Please tell me a little bit about yourself and your journey to sobriety? What made you change your mindset?
I’m a 31-year-old mother of two, I live in the South East of England, and I run my own business. I don’t think I ever had a healthy relationship with alcohol, and even my first experience drinking was getting totally drunk. I never learned to moderate what I drank, and I spent years chasing that buzz. The only time from the age of 14 through to 30 that I didn’t drink was either when I was pregnant or couldn’t afford to. I struggled with mental illness for a large portion of my life, I suffered with eating disorders and spent some time in outpatient therapy which helped me get a grip on it.
In the last few years, life has been pretty tough. The breakdown of my marriage and a subsequent relationship ending had left me feeling very lonely and struggling to deal with a lot of negative emotions. I began drinking heavily and used it more and more as the only coping mechanism.
At the start of 2018, I realized how much my children were suffering as a result of my drinking. My patience was non-existent, and they were the catalyst for the change. I didn’t want to bring any more negativity into their lives.
What’s the happiest moment of your life? What’s the saddest moment of your life?
Some of my happiest moments are the simplest – spending the day with my children, and everyone is happy and relaxed. It really feels like the stars have aligned. I think the saddest moments have been those when I have realized life isn’t going to be how I thought it would be. I never thought I would be a single parent and it took me a long time to come to terms with that. I felt angry, sad, resentful and broken at that time. I grateful for the experience and that there has been space for a healthier and happier relationship for me.
What is extremely common advice that you entirely disagree with?
I don’t know that I would necessarily disagree with the advice people give, because different things work for different people. For me, I don’t find it helpful when people say “Everything happens for a reason.” I think sometimes terrible things happen for no reason at all, but it also gives people an excuse not to take responsibility. I like to take ownership of things in my life and whilst I appreciate there are a lot of things that are out of my control – the things that I can take responsibility for, I will.
If you could give a piece of advice to a single parent who is going
through similar difficulties, what would you say?
I think the best advice I could give to a single parent is to try and find time for you every day. Being needed by your children all day is exhausting. Carve out time, even if it is 10 minutes in your day once the kids go to bed. Paint your nails, enjoy your favorite snack, have a bath. It doesn’t have to be expensive or for a long time, but it is vital to make sure you take time for you too.
