“I’m 28, and I live alone but close to my family, with my pug. Last year I had a breakdown, because of my social anxiety and depression, I have been in therapy ever since. I’ve been dealing with depression since I was a kid. My parents went through a pretty messy divorce when I was eight. My mother focused on her new partner and rejected me ever since the divorce. I fought a lot and for a long time for her attention and love. In the end, this is what broke my spirit.
I was always aware of my struggles in life, and when I made a decision a year ago to seek help, my boyfriend supported me. Admitting that I needed help, made everything worse. Much worse. I had a lot of bad feelings, even had suicidal thoughts. I struggled with social anxiety, even when I was alone. I never felt connected to anyone, so I started spending a lot of time alone. When I was alone, it made sense to be feeling alone, so for me, this was easier.
I have been admitted to a psychiatric facility, and I learned to deal with my struggles. I learned how to be positive and how to love myself. I know now that it is more important to love yourself than count on love from others.
If I could go back to my younger self, I would give my younger self a big hug and tell her how much she is loved, even though she doesn’t feel like it. I would tell her, that she shouldn’t listen to what everybody wants her to be. Trust your heart, trust you. If you’re not ready, take your time. If you need help, ask for it. If you are scared, tell someone.
Nobody should expect you to go the same way they did. It’s okay to make mistakes. It’s the only way to learn, next time you will make it better. Be patient with yourself and others. You never know, what’s going on in someone’s life. Just like they don’t know everything you feel. Most people don’t want to hurt you, understand that most of the pain, comes from within. Most important of all – never stop loving. Love is so important. Love yourself and give love to others, even if they don’t love you back.”
